Posted by victoria- So we met up today, and we decided where not going to break up but spend less time together in a whole. Like maybe once or twice every few weeks. I'm happy with it aslong as i can stay with him. I'm staying at his house tonight so, sofar im happy.

That was a bad decision and I'm telling you that you are setting yourself up for MUCH more pain down the road.

Posted by Stewie That was a bad decision and I'm telling you that you are setting yourself up for MUCH more pain down the road.

The most frustrating thing is having to watch other (particularly, younger) people make the same EXACT mistakes we made, ourselves, despite what we tell them. Some people just have to make their own mistakes, live and learn... Sucks but it's true.

Maybe it will work out for her... maybe not. She is obviously the kind of person who will have to find out on her own.

Posted by Emma Peel The most frustrating thing is having to watch other (particularly, younger) people make the same EXACT mistakes we made, ourselves, despite what we tell them. Some people just have to make their own mistakes, live and learn... Sucks but it's true. Maybe it will work out for her... maybe not. She is obviously the kind of person who will have to find out on her own.

Very true. I made the same ones myself and I never listened to anybody who shared their wisdom with me. There are some mistakes which must be made to learn important lessons.

Posted by Stewie Very true. I made the same ones myself and I never listened to anybody who shared their wisdom with me. There are some mistakes which must be made to learn important lessons.

IDK. No one ever really gave me advice, but then again, I was always a bit secretive about my hurts.

This I do know: the circle of pain can go three ways that I know of.

Repeating the same patterns of abuse out of comfort. (AHEM! clears throat and glares)

A pattern of complete rejection of anything resembling past relationships, without changing behaviors. This leads to a constant stream of bad relationships.

A systematic processing of every belief, pattern, or action. Constant internal scrutinizing, and rejection of everything immoral, typical, unwanted, etc. While this one may work to bring about longer relationships, it also create in ones self a sense of brokenness that will creep into the rest of your life, causing self to be unstable.(/raises hand)

Notice these habits.

Thanks for the advice guys. :3

Posted by victoria- Thanks for the advice guys. :3

there is only one way to learn that the hot stove is hot.

we all go thru these things. some deal and grow better than others.

an online forum wont help you one bit.

it may only help you get out what you are feeling or trying to say.

life happens and we live thru it and learn from it, if we dont, we are... fucked.

Well, sofar things are going pretty good. I had to sacrifice some happiness for it. But overall now I am more happy and it seems so is he. He doesn't want to take a break anymore, and I think he was just upset due to exams, work, stresses, etc.

Posted by victoria- I had to sacrifice some happiness for it.

WHAT?????

Tell him to go fuck himself. Really...take a break my ass. Then tell him you're nailing KublaKhan. That should fuck him up for life.

Posted by KublaKhan Tell him to go fuck himself. Really...take a break my ass. Then tell him you're nailing KublaKhan. That should fuck him up for life.

damn dude that hurt me and im very much in love with cherrybomb...

Posted by Emma Peel WHAT?????

Well, I personally hate drugs and he loves them. I agreed he can get high and I'll get high with him if it makes him happy and helps us.

I'm retarded lol

Posted by victoria- Well, I personally hate drugs and he loves them. I agreed he can get high and I'll get high with him if it makes him happy and helps us. I'm retarded lol

Please please PLEASE re-read this post a million times.

Anyone who is trying to get you to get high against your wishes does NOT love and probably never will... EVER.

I see potential, intelligence, and promise in you... don't waste your potential on anyone who wants to bring you down like that... please.

Posted by victoria- Well, I personally hate drugs and he loves them. I agreed he can get high and I'll get high with him if it makes him happy and helps us. I'm retarded lol

Seriously. You are being so incredibly stupid. No sense sugar coating it, you're being an idiot. You doing drugs because he tells you to does not "help" either of you. It's forcing you to do something that you don't want to and he is just taking advantage of the fact that you'll do anything he asks you to.

As I said once already, you're setting yourself up for a VERY bad break up in the future. It WILL happen, you might as well speed the process and make it happen now before your feelings get out of control.

Posted by victoria- Well, I personally hate drugs and he loves them. I agreed he can get high and I'll get high with him if it makes him happy and helps us. I'm retarded lol

Okay. I have to ask you.

You're 17. You've got probably a good 60 years ahead of you in life, still.

Do you REALLY, HONESTLY believe that dating this guy is the greatest thing you'll do in life? You really believe that? You think that this guy, whom you've SACRIFICED HAPPINESS to? Who is addicted to drugs? Trying to get you to do drugs? Is happy because you're being coerced into doing drugs... you really think that this guy is the BEST THING that will come along in the next 60 years?

I mean, even leaving out "best GUY" ever. You don't think you'll do bigger and better things, go to more awesome places, have greater experiences.... than this guy?

This guy, whom you've sacrificed happiness for? Whom your values don't even align with?

Is he really going to be the GREATEST THING in your life?

Because honestly. The greatest man, thing, WHATEVER, in your life... will never be worth sacrificing even a little bit of happiness for. Happiness shouldn't be sacrificed. Ever.

Posted by victoria- Well, I personally hate drugs and he loves them. I agreed he can get high and I'll get high with him if it makes him happy and helps us. I'm retarded lol

Oh, this is such an incredibly bad idea. Sure, compromises need to be made sometimes in relationships, but this isn't compromise. This is letting him walk all over you. If you don't want to use illicit drugs, don't use them. If you don't want him to use them, and he refuses to stop, then break off the relationship before you get yourself into an even worse situation.

Posted by victoria- Well, I personally hate drugs and he loves them. I agreed he can get high and I'll get high with him if it makes him happy and helps us. I'm retarded lol

so much dumb and fail in that post... ugh...

I duhno, I'm not turning this thread into a big emotional break down etc but I do not have the best self-esteem ever right so, I'm realy lucky to get this guy. Hes fit, great looking, popular, when he wants to be hes really nice. Just bought me two of my favourite artists cds. (Death Cab For Cutie and Pink Floyd) Hes a lot like that song Hot&Cold. One day hes the best thing ever and the next day hes miserable. And I'm sure i can be an ass to be around too. His mom gives him a lot of problems big drug user etc. As to the drug problem it's the only way he knows how to cope with stresses. And I'm slowly getting him help and helping him with it. I see a lot of potential in this guy. and when he wants to be hes absolutely amazing. I know I sound stupid but we all do stupid things and i'm sure all this will bite me in the ass later. but all the good really makes for the bad. I'd rather have met him then never. Hes quitting his "vices" to get good grades in school.

In all fairness, this guy probably has no clue what he is doing either. He's probably only 17 too. This is a situation that every last one of us has been in, she's gonna get burned and she'll learn from it.

Ahh, youth... Why do the never listen? When will they ever learn?

Posted by victoria- I duhno, I'm not turning this thread into a big emotional break down etc but I do not have the best self-esteem ever right so, I'm realy lucky to get this guy. Hes fit, great looking, popular, when he wants to be hes really nice. Just bought me two of my favourite artists cds. (Death Cab For Cutie and Pink Floyd) Hes a lot like that song Hot&Cold. One day hes the best thing ever and the next day hes miserable. And I'm sure i can be an ass to be around too. His mom gives him a lot of problems big drug user etc. As to the drug problem it's the only way he knows how to cope with stresses. And I'm slowly getting him help and helping him with it. I see a lot of potential in this guy. and when he wants to be hes absolutely amazing. I know I sound stupid but we all do stupid things and i'm sure all this will bite me in the ass later. but all the good really makes for the bad. I'd rather have met him then never. Hes quitting his "vices" to get good grades in school.

Speaking from my own personal experiences, I can't even count the number of red flags I found in this. There are way too many.

How is "popular" supposed to be a good quality for a relationship?
He bought you some CDs? That is nice but it doesn't make him good relationship material. If anything, it shows that he can win your affections back after he's been a total asshole to you by buying you shit.
One day he's the best thing ever/the next he's miserable? He has issues.

It isn't your job to help him with his problem. It is his job. Etc. I realize that you're probably a helper-type person, the person who all her friends go to with their problems... And that makes you a cheap shot for guys with "problems".


You are making more excuses for this guy than I have made for abusive boyfriends. Dead serious.

Wow.

Ok here's what you do:

1) LEAVE HIM FOR THE LOVE OF ZEUS DROP THE FUCKER
2) You need self esteem boosters to prevent you from ending up with another useless fuck.
3) Don't bother looking for anyone else until you learn self respect
4) Avoid anyone who seems even remotely similar to previous shit head
5) At the first sign of red flags, leave the fucker!
6) Live happily ever after.

The end.